Parents understandably want what is best for their kids, and that includes keeping them safe from the possibility of abduction or harm at the hands of an unfamiliar adult. But discussing how to handle strangers always carries with it quite a bit of sensitivity and risk. In wanting to do right by their children, some parents may resort to scare tactics which may possibly result in negative repercussions when a major problem arises. The following articles provide intelligent, logical, and well-informed advice on talking to children about how to properly and prudently deal with situations where they may encounter strangers.
1. Teach Your Kids How to Talk to Strangers by Gavin de Becker
Security expert Gavin de Becker, the brain behind the MOSAIC Threat Assessment System used by the Supreme Court, Congress, and the CIA and author of Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane, offers up professional advice on properly educating kids about dealing with strangers. Skirting around the hyperbole that usually accompanies discussions regarding unknown adults, he states outright that children need to be taught how to properly approach and talk to them in the event of an emergency.
de Becker begins by suggesting parents progressively acclimatize their children to approaching strangers, starting with simply asking for the time and then graduating up to venturing into stores alone to purchase candy or gum. He promotes open and extensive communication between parents and children, offering helpful suggestions on how both parties can handle any common issues such as getting lost that often crop up. Almost everything he discusses involves basic common sense and a cool head, though a few of them are a little unexpected, but not unwarranted. As he points out, women are statistically less likely to be sexual predators or abduct a child. Therefore, he advises parents to instruct their children to seek out females in the event of a precarious situation.
2. Stranger Danger – Street Proofing Kids by The Parent Report
Stranger Danger – Street Proofing Kids is actually a companion article to The Parent Report radio show, hosted by Joanne Wilson. The accompanying audio is currently not available online at the time of this writing, though it may become archived later. However, this does not diminish the valuable advice offered in the written portion in any way. Like de Becker, The Parent Report does not support the old tactic of teaching children to mistrust all strangers. Such perspectives may very well prove problematic in the event of an emergency, where a kid may refuse any sort of altruistic intention out of fear.
Instead, The Parent Report suggests many procedures stemming from common sense rather than paranoia. Parents must nurture discretion in their children, never fear. They need to teach them how to properly handle being approached by unfamiliar adults, and that danger does not always come in the stereotypical physical guise of an addled lunatic. On the other end of the coin, however, they also need to be guided in the proper protocol for an emergency situation where a stranger may have to intervene. The article suggests role-playing different scenarios to help kids practice what to do in any situation imaginable. In the end, though, one of the quoted experts states that it all boils down to telling children to follow their finely-tuned instincts if they hope to stay out of trouble.
3. Teaching Kids about Strangers: Preventing Child Abduction by Jenny Evans
Educator and freelance writer Jenny Evans opens her informative article with a dismissal of the clichéd credos of “stranger danger!” and “don’t talk to strangers!” Recent studies and movements within child care and child rearing have proven these scare tactics largely ineffectual and more nurturing of paranoia (and xenophobia in some cases than prudence, and like many writers on the subject of safety Evans tosses out traditional viewpoints in favor of common sense.
The article addresses differences between “strangers” and “safe adults,” and suggest that parents point out who children ought to seek out in the event they become lost. She advises concerned parents to make a list of adults - such as grandparents, close relatives, and trusted family friends - that their kids know will prove safe and reliable. Beyond that, they need to instruct children on how to properly identify security guards, law enforcement officers, and employees of particular establishments in the event of a separation. Doing so will train them in practicing discretion in case an emergency descends, which may not necessarily always be the case when exposed to a constant barrage of demonizing strangers. Evans very helpfully includes links to articles regarding common tactics used by child predators to lure in their prey and self defense tips for use in dire situations.
4. How to Talk to Your Children about Talking to Strangers by Nancy Samalin
Nancy Samalin approaches the subject of strangers and educating children in practicing discretion with the same level-headedness displayed by most contemporary writers on the subject. In the spirit of practicality and safety, she outlines a number of very handy guidelines for parents to consider when discussing how kids ought to deal with unfamiliar adults. The very basics include telling them when it is and is not appropriate to approach a stranger without a parent present. From there, parents need to “avoid preaching” – a useful, but often overlooked, tip that keeps the intended audience’s attention and helps foster trust, understanding, and open communication – and present various questions to ensure their children comprehend all the facets of keeping themselves safe.
In addition, she also draws up multiple role-playing activities for parents and kids to practice together. These help young children formulate their own questions about safety issues, and their caretakers need to encourage them to keep asking and offering opinions to make sure they receive the most thorough education possible. However, the most valuable aspect of the article revolves around showing kids how to differentiate between self-preservation and being polite. Some may not understand that it is okay to disobey adults when simultaneously brought up to respect their wishes. It takes comprehensive, open communication and plenty of discussion to help nurture knowledge on when it is permissible to say no without going against lessons in courtesy. Harried parents hoping to infuse this facet of child safety into their teachings will particularly appreciate Samalin’s suggestions.
5. Stranger Danger: Teaching Your Children the Danger of Strangers by Carma Haley
Carma Haley’s article spans 4 pages in total, covering a wide variety of concerns regarding child safety when it comes to strangers. She showcases Diana Jones of the Run Yell Tell program, which concerns itself with educating kids on protecting themselves from harm as effectively and intelligently as possible. The article offers up much of the usual advice, though Haley juxtaposes the expert opinions and statistics with the personal experiences of two mothers.
One mom relays the horrors experienced when her child wandered away and ended up terrorized by a boy around her same age. She ended up safe, fortunately, but such stories illustrate the importance of helping kids learn how to keep their self-preservation in mind at all times and not inherently trust every individual they come across. In the related situation, even a peer can pose as much of a threat as an adult – here, a young man encouraged a girl to hide in some bushes outside her apartment complex before clamping a hand over her mouth and preventing her from screaming. Parents may use this as a spring board for teaching their children how to properly handle these types of real-life situations.
6. The Problem with Teaching Kids about Stranger Danger by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman
Newsweek journalists Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman present the research behind how the use of scare tactics reflect anxieties and actively work against showing children the best way to react to trying situations which may involve unfamiliar adults. This puts an academic face to many of the conjectures expressed in other articles, showing the scientific methods behind the hows and whys of extremist perspectives and the ways in which they may damage a kid’s sense of self-preservation.
In the end, the best solution is for parents and children alike to find the most comfortable “middle ground” possible. As the article itself is rather brief – more a resource on the data collected by universities than a practicum – there are no explicit suggestions for how to seek out the balance. However, this writing works as an excellent supplement and springboard for learning about and understanding the sociological and psychological implications of going to extremes when it comes to discussing strangers with kids.
Though intended as a curriculum for teachers to introduce toddlers and kindergarten-age children to the concepts of safety and dealing with strangers, parents may find preschool teacher Debbie Haren’s lessons and outline a valuable resource for home use as well. She includes engaging activities as well as a number of important talking points that illustrate and underscore all the main points necessary to teach a child how to protect him- or herself in the event of a possible abduction.
In total, the lesson plan includes 5 steps, all of which may be very easily adapted for incorporation into the home. They reinforce ideas such as the buddy system, passwords, and advice on what situations children must avoid at all times. However, as it targets those between the ages of 3 and 6, some of the differentiations between seeking out safe adults such as law enforcement officers during an emergency are lacking. Parents hoping to help their kids practice discretion between strangers and safe adults in the event of separation or other issue must consult other articles for information on how to best broach the subject.
8. Guarding Against International Parent Child Abduction by U.S. Department of State
In homes where the safety of children have become compromised by the actions and behaviors of one or both parents, this article serves as a resource for concerned relatives or friends who hope to prevent an international abduction. These do not necessarily always involve parents of foreign origins, either – any with a history of erratic or high-risk behaviors could attempt to smuggle a child outside the country. The United States Department of State has a highly informative article on keeping kids safe from potentially dangerous parents.
Beyond that, however, the government also offers advice on preventing kidnapping from external sources as well. Concerned parents would do well to scan all of the comprehensive tips and advice available on issues such as kidnapping, exploitation, child support, and others. It does nothing but help to understand all the procedurals and protocols associated with abduction in the highly unfortunate event of an emergency situation.
9. Child Abduction Prevention by 2-1-1
2-1-1 Infoline is Connecticut’s non-emergency counseling hotline, which specializes in addiction, domestic abuse, suicide prevention, financial difficulties, and more. United Way also involves itself with the program as well. On their official website, they list statistics regarding child abduction and safety advice for parents and kids alike. As with the United States Department of State, they also touch upon the possibility of international incidents as well. Be sure to peruse the virtual library and two databases for further information.
Along with the suggested guidelines, 2-1-1 provides links to numerous other online resources regarding child safety. They offer other hotlines and websites and a search service to help parents find an identification program that suits the needs of them and their kids. Anyone concerned with the health and well-being of the younger set needs to become familiar with all of the suggestions available on this site and the ones the writers recommend, regardless of whether or not they live in Connecticut. Everything they have to say remains universally valuable.
10. Resources for Parents and Guardians by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children
Technically a series of articles instead of just one, everything provided by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children is an integral source of information for concerned parents. Here, they can learn everything about keeping their kids safe, teaching them the self-preservation skills that will last a lifetime. Not only do they provide a highly essential cache of essays and instructions, but workshops, emergency listings, workshops, Q&As, a missing children’s channel, news stories, tip lines, AMBER Alerts, and many other necessities. All of the resources offered contribute something to understanding the nature of child safety and guiding young ones towards making the right decisions when it comes to interacting with unknown adults.
With these articles and related links to other information, parents wringing their hands over how to best broach the subject of relating to strangers with children are able to learn about different tactics and concepts to consider. Such a serious, dire topic deserves well-informed, comprehensive discussions in order to ensure the highest possible level of safety for kids – parents can breathe a little bit easier knowing that there are plenty of experts out there willing to help them make the right decisions.
